So today I tagged along to petco while my brother got a corn snake. I got distracted, however, by the adorable falpping birds in this glass cage. I'd never really had a pet of my own (only family pets) and now, after seeing the parakeets at Petco, I really want one. Problem is, I'm going to college in a year. That got me thinking about college. All this time, I've been excited about going and "meeting new people" and "growing up". I wanted to live in the dorms, but today I realized something. I don't like being around people all the time. I need time to myself and living in the dorms would be a nightmare for me.
And that made me realize something else, that college isn't this idealic "growing up" period or that much different then high school. Other than academics/living on your own, it's the same type of people, just more of them. Ever since I became a Christian I have struggled like no other to have friends at my school. My walk with God has isolated me from people at school because I never find real Christians at my school. Granted, I'm probably not looking as hard as I should, but still. I've prayed for one reliable, faithful friend but I haven't been able to find one yet. There was this one girl, Brooke, but she is Messianic and I'm Chrisitan, our difference in how and what we believed in created an unbreakable barrier. We are equally faithful, but in two different mindsets on who God is. My walk has even isolated me from girls in my Youth Group and I only really manage to talk to the counclers and two other girls about keeping me accountable just because... In all honesty, I don't think the other girls would hold me accountable to the extent that I want to be held (which is probably "extreme" to them.) I know that John 15:19 says "If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.", but it's just exhausting. Sometimes I just want to be the girl that cusses and parties and has boyfriends, but I'm not. I can't be that girl. And I can't connect with people who are like that without back up.
How will college be any different? I plan to go to a small college near home because we can't afford anywhere else. If it were up to me, I would head off to another country or something, but it's not. These people are people I've gone to school with and how will they be any different then the people that already go to my school? Sure there will be well over 7,000 undergraduates and graduates there, but isn't that just multiplying the amount of fakers/and lost people? I'm not mature/good whatever enough to stand with God without some other form of support in a room full of lost people, I'll be pulled down. And THAT is how I feel everyday when I'm at school. I don't want to feel that way in College, I wanted college to be different. To be new. To be fun and memorable and not freaking miserable like High School has been! I know people who will look back on their High School years as the best years of their lives; I'll look back with hate, disdain, and misery. I hate High School and why will college be any different? I can only afford to go to a secular college and even if I secluded myself to a Bible or Christian college, there are plenty of fakers there too!
I don't want to go to college any more. I don't even want to go out in the world anymore if I'm just going to stand alone and be persecuted. Where is the joy in that? I always here about "joy in the hard times" well my "hard times" have been going on for years and I see no end in sight. How can I be joyful in that? Why would God make me stand by myself in my school for years on end? To test my endurance, my Faith? I don't know. I just know that it sucks and it's miserable and I hate it. I just want a true, Christian, Devoted friend. Is that too much to ask? And how will going off to a "new place" and "growing up" change that?
Sorry for the non-uplifting blog, but it's just how I feel at this moment.
Nice post, but you didn't make the difference between "Messianic" and "Christian" clear.
ReplyDeleteOh my bad! Messianic is a sect of Jewish people who believe in Jesus, but uphold Jewish traditions. She is a sect within that sect though, kind of... Charismatic if you will. The believe in the power of oil with anointing, dreams as prophesies, the laying of hands ect. ect. ect. I believe in these things, yes, but I don't believe it happens very often in today's world simply because it doesn't need to. God's miracles happened in a time when He needed to show the world that He existed, to spread the belief in Him. Well, the Good News has been spread (and is still spreading), but miracles aren't needed everyday to prove to people that He exists, we do that through our actions and how we show our Faith. That is are major conflict in beliefs.
ReplyDeletehmm.. I strongly believe in the power of oil with anointing and all you said because i've been a witness to them all. And I think the good news isn't completely spread, it needs to continue spreading like you said..
ReplyDeleteyou know who this is, right? lol hope u are having a good summer.
Of course I know and I am, thank ya :). Are you? Oh and the need for the Good News to be spread has decreased since Jesus' time because the apostles did such an excellent job. The Disciples (and the old testament eras as well) were times when God spoke and made appearances to men to make them believe. Our era isn't like that. We don't hear God's voice coming out of the skies and out of bushes. Why? Because Jesus already came and "proved" Himself to the world. There is no reason for Him to preform miracles to people as often as He once did simply because our era is different. We have closer intimacy then any other group of people since the beginning of time. Why do we even NEED miracles happening everywhere to help us share the Bible? Sometimes God knows He has to preform miracles, but our intimacy with Him is what makes those miracles not as needed as the were in the Old Testament and when the apostles were sharing the word. Think about it, why don't we have prophets like Issiah or Jeremiah? Because we already HAVE that intimacy with God and don't need Prophets to reinforce that. I know I'm all over the place and I hope this makes sense ~__~. Oh and as far as oil goes, please show me an instance in the bible when anointing someone with oil had a supernatural effect. I've seen it used symbolically, sure, but haven't seen it actually "do" anything. And I don't mean any of that in a rude way, I really do want to know if there is an instance where it happens :).
ReplyDeletewell i believe in the power of prayer and oil with anointing. I'm not sure if there is a passage in the bible that talks/shows the power of oil with anointing, but i'll get back to you on that soon.
ReplyDeleteHowever i have a personal experience with anointing oil. I remember one time out of nowhere i had terrible, piercing stomach ache. I couldn't get out of bed, could barely walk 'cuz the pain was THAT bad. I tried milk of magnesium, but the pain wouldn't budge My mom is a fervent believer and she prayed over olive oil, and rubbed it on my belly meditating as she went along. After a couple of hours i felt as if i had never had that stomach ache. it was completely gone, and i was able to go to school the very next day as if nothing had happened at all.
Also one thing that came in mind with the word "anointing oil" was Psalm 23. "Thou anointed my hair with oil, my cup runs over, surely goodness and mercies shall follow me all the days of my life". I believe that anointing oil has a relationship with "goodness and mercies".
Patricia, the Good News needs to be spread even more today because of all the reasons you have given yourself. There are not even people around us who know God that much anymore. But be the light, preach the Word and endure any persecution. We still have prophets like Isaiah and Jeremiah. You can be one of them because you have the chance to have the Holy Spirit in you, who they did not. I wish you well.
ReplyDeleteokay instances in the bible where anointing oil had miraculous effects.
ReplyDeleteMark 6:13 "And they cast out demons and anointed with oil many who were sick, and healed them."
James 5:14 "Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.